Miraj

Miraj

Miraj var den mirakuløse rejse gennem de syv himmellag som Allah (swt) velsignede Profeten Muhammad (saws) med og som fastsatte antallet af de frem daglige bønner, samt viste menneskeheden et glimt af Allahs nåde.

Profeten (saws) lå lettere nedslået i sin seng ovenpå dagens voldsomme behandling fra hans modstandere, og bedte til Allah. Hans (saws) velsignede hjerte smertede og hans øjne var fulde af tårer. Han var akkurat kun lige faldet i søvn da Allah (swt) sagde:

Ya Jibril (as), ved du hvilken nat dette er? Følg i aften Mine befalinger og del de gode nyheder til alle mine verdener. I nat vil Jeg føre Min Mest Elskede til mit opholdssted. Mine himle, mine Lotustræer, Mit blomstrende Hjem, Min Trone og Mit Paradis vil blive prydet af støvet fra Min Mest Elskedes fødder. Bed Isra’fil om at forlade sin trompet for i nat, Jeg har befalet ham om at vente på Min Mest Elskedes komme. Lad Mikael udsætte sine fordelinger af bestemmelse. Lad Azra’il forlade forsamlingen af sjæle for i nat. For dem og til dig har Jeg belønnet jer med æren af at tjene Min Mest Elskede. Sæt Malik ud af helvedes ild for i nat og sørg for at beskytterne af helvede ikke viger fra deres plads. Lad Mit Paradis blive udsmykket og prydet på ny. Fortæl Ridwan at de deltagende skal gøre sig klar. Lad dem være iklædt nye himmerige klæder og pynt. De skal gøre sig klar på at modtage Min Mest Elskede.
I nat har Jeg inviteret Min Elskede Muhammad (saws).
Lad dem besmykke solen i Kongeriget.
Lad Himmelen være smukkere end på en almindelig dag.
Lad stjernerne blinke og stråle mere end sædvanligt.
Forbered alle Profeternes sjæle på at hilse og modtage Muhammad (saws).
Ya Jibril gå til Paradis og find Min Elskede en overdådig kåbe, en krone, et bælte og den himmelske ganger, som kaldes Buraq. Iklæd ham kåben, placer kronen på hans hoved og spænd ham fast med bæltet. Lad ham stige på Buraq og lad ham flyve på ham for at komme til Min Trone og Paradis. Bring Mine Velsignelser over Budbringeren (saws), han ligger lige nu i Umm Hani’s hus; ulykkelig og trist over sine modstanders ondhed.

Profeten (saws) fortæller:
Under min opstigning så jeg en kuppel af lys; fire floder fordelte sig fra denne kuppel. Den ene af floderne var af vand, den anden af honning, den tredje af vin og den fjerde af mælk. Disse fire floder flød og boblede fra denne kuppel af lys. Jibril (as) sagde til mig:
”Åh Allah’s Budbringer, kunne du tænke dig at se kilden, hvorfra disse floder udspringer”. Jeg svarede: ”Jo” og kuppelen åbnede sig. Inden i stod der inskriptionen:

BISMILLAH-IR RAHMAN-IR RAHIM

Floden af vand flød fra det arabiske bogstav mim i ordet bismillah, floden af honning flød fra Ha, floden af mælk flød fra hullet i midten af mim i Rahman og floden af vin flød fra hullet i midten af mim i Rahim.
Da jeg spurgte Jibril: ”Hvem vil drikke af disse floder”, kom svaret fra Den Ophøjede Herre:
”Åh Muhammad hvis nogen fra din Ummah nævner Mig af mine navne og siger Bismillah-ir Rahman-ir Rahim med oprigtig intention, da vil Jeg på Dommedagen tillade Mine slaver at drikke af disse floder, mens andre vil gå tørstige. Åh Muhammad, hvis nogen fra din Ummah tager wudu og siger LA ILAHA ILLALLAH – Der er ingen andre gud end Allah, da vil Jeg belønne Min slave med et Paradis så storslået som denne verden”.

Profeten (saws) nåede længere og så dernæst en kæmpe kiste lavet af lys, hvorpå der var en lås også lavet af lys. Profeten (saws) spurgte: ”Åh Allah hvad indeholder denne kiste af lys, jeg vil gerne se det og hvor er nøglen til den?” Allah (swt) svarede: ”Åh Budbringer, nøglen til den er dig, den åbnes til; la ilaha illAllah Muhammadan RasulAllah”. Profeten (saws) sagde selvsamme sætning og kisten åbnede sig.
Indeni viste sig et uendeligt hav, over havet var en fugl og på fuglens klo sad en lille klump mudder. Profeten (saws) spurgte hvad dette betød og Allah (swt) svarede: ”Min Elskede, det uendelige hav er min Nåde, fuglen er dit folk og mudderet på fuglens klo repræsenterer dit folks synder. Sammenlignet med Min Nåde, er deres synder ikke større end den lille klump mudder på fuglen.
Du har nu set Min Nåde og også dit folks synder, oppe imod min Nåde, er deres synder ikke større end et atom, ligesom at mudderet vil forsvinde hvis det faldt i vandet, ligesådan er deres ugerninger intet i forhold til Min Nåde. Jeg er Den Mest Nådige af de Nådigste, Jeg er Alt-Tilgivende, Den Mest Generøse”.

Profeten sagde: ”På denne nat bønfaldt jeg min Skaber for mit folk 700 gange og Skaberen gav mig mit folk. Han (swt) lovede Paradis og dets skønhed til mit folk. På denne nat opnåede mit folk Guddommelige undskyldninger og Benådning”.
Profeten fortalte videre: ” Da jeg nåede Guddommelig Påmyndning, vendte jeg tilbage til Umm Hani’s hus, min seng var stadig varm. Tid var blevet skabt indenfor tid og rum indenfor rum, dog viste Skaberen (swt) mig Hans velvilje overfor mit folk på denne nat”.

I want to die with my forehead on the ground, the sunnah in my heart, with Allah on my mind, the Quran on my tongue and with tears in my eyes!

EID MUBARAK

Kære brødre og søstre
EID MUBARAK!!
Må Allah acceptere og belønne os for vores faste, salah og sadaqah. Ameen
I wish all of you and your families a blessed eid, may Allah shower you all with His endless blessings, peace and love!
Ma salaam
Gry

Jeg er den Jeg er...

Min lillebror blev konfirmeret idag - lille fis.. Jeg kan slet ikke forstå at at tiden er gået så hurtigt, der er 11 års aldersforskel på ham og jeg og jeg husker ham stadig som en lille put der rendte rundt efter mig med ble på og sut i munden. Han blev konfirmeret i Roskilde Domkirke - meget fint og stort og præsten holdte en rigtig fin tale. Jeg måtte til at starte med virkelig beherske mig for ikke at brække mig af grin fordi min anden bror sad ved siden af mig og sang salmerne pivfalsk, mens jeg selv havde lettere besvær med at holde tonen, det var lidt af et show, men jeg tog mig sammen og måtte jo ligesom være et eksempel for vores yngste bror som sad der så fin på sin dag. Jeg synes det var fint og føler mig godt tilpas i en kirke, det er jo også et af Guds huse og når præsten bad os om at bede, læste jeg al fatiha indeni i stedet for :)
En af præstens pointer var at Gud siger i biblen: "Jeg er den jeg er" og førte tråden videre med at disse unge mennesker nu også stod et sted i deres liv, hvor de skulle finde ud af hvem de var, hvor de kom fra og hvor de skulle hen. Ja prøver vi ikke allesammen det et eller andet sted?! Det var meget fin og hun havde nogle gode pointer, bortset fra jeg står lidt af på alt det der med Jesus frelser os osv. Men fred være med det :)
Festen var stille og rolig - han var glad og tiden blev til jeg skulle holde tale. Jeg var MEGET nervøs og lagde ud med noget der var lidt sjovt og da jeg så kom til den lidt mere alvorlige og følsomme del: Så STORTUDEDE jeg! Det kom virkelig bag på mig selv, hvor svært det var at stå foran de som er en allernærmest og isør min lillebror og blotte sine dybeste følelser på den måde, også selvom alle ved hvor højt jeg elsker ham. Jeg kom dog igennem det, men hold da op et følelsesudbryd! Men han er min store kærlighed og jeg ville så gerne udtrykke hvor stor denne er for ham; ja det fik han jo så at se med tårer og ord som jeg grådkvalt fik fremstammet.
Det var en dejlig dag alhamdulillah - jeg er i sandhed velsignet og jeg takker Allah hver dag for min familie, deres kærlighed og især den kærlighed jeg får lov at opleve at føle overfor dem - se DET er hvad Gud er - Kærlighed!!!

Ramadan 2008

Så blev det ramadan og hvilken velsignet måned!
Jeg holdte min første ramadan sidste år da jeg studerede i Tyrkiet og det var lidt af en oplevelse, hvilket mine indlæg fra dengang også afspejler. Stemningen var helt fantastisk og man kan lidt sammenligne det med julen herhjemme (bare uden al stressen). Jeg havde glædet mig til ramadanen herhjemme, da jeg kan huske stemningen sidste år og hvor fantastisk spirituel man følte sig den måned og hvordan alle var glade og i sammen båd og der var nærmest fest i gaderne efter iftar.
Da jeg ikke kan dele denne måned med min familie, må jeg ty til mine veninder, så har nærmest campet inde hos min veninde denne måned, da hun er i samme situation som jeg. Det er hyggeligt og jeg er taknemlig for at vi har hinanden alhamdulillah, men kan godt mærke at netværket af muslimer ikke er særlig stort og at mine nærmeste ikke er muslimer. Jeg kan mærke at jeg savner at dele denne specielle følelse ved at faste med nogen, som da jeg forleden var hjemme hos en anden veninde og holde iftar vor vi var nogle stykker og hyggede med maden op til iftar og hendes familie kom senere og der var rigtig ramadan stemning :)
Jeg har så meget at være taknemlig for alhamdulillah, men hvor ville jeg ønske jeg kunne dele dette med mine forældre og brødre og de kunne føle hvad jeg føler! Som jeg tidligere har skrevet, har min familie været meget støttende og er det stadig, men da de ikke selv er religiøse er det naturligvis svært at forstå og sætte sig ind i det at være religiøs og følelserne der hører dertil. De synes jeg er lidt åndsvag og forstår heller ikke rigtig det der med faste, men min mor overraskede mig idag :)
Var meget pirrelig tidligere idag, da vi gik fields tyndt efter pynt til min brors kommende konfirmation, havde advaret hende inden ramadanen startede om at der kunne være dage hvor jeg måske var lidt gnaven :) Hun tog det i stiv arm og kommenterede faktisk ikke på mine mindre irritable udbrud. Hun havde også købt ind til mad som hun vidste jeg kunne li' og var helt obs på hvornår jeg måtte spise og drak eller spiste ikke selv foran mig. Jeg blev SÅ glad, for ved at hun synes det er lidt åndsvagt, men forklarede hende at man ved fasten slap sit ego og mærkede de helt basale behov som man normalt tager for givet, samt virkelig fordyber sig og ihukommer Gud. Det synes hun faktisk var ret fint og lige min mor er selv troende (på sin egen måde, hun er inde for det alternative noget) så vi har vores diskussioner. Jeg ville jo ønske at jeg kunne dele det helt med hende, at hun kunne mærke hvad jeg mærker i islam, men det er okay så længe hun støtter mig og idag var dejligt bekræftende. Jeg har faktisk ikke noget at brokke mig over! Mine nærmeste familie og venner er meget støttende og tager virkelig meget hensyn, men rent religiøst ville jeg da ønske at de kunne mærke hvor fantastiske følelser islam bærer med sig, når man faster eller beder osv. Man ved jo aldrig om Allah en dag åbner deres hjerter og de tager imod islam, men indtil da så respekterer jeg dem ligeså meget for hvad de er og tror eller ikke tror på, ligesåvel som de respekterer og støtter mig i min tro alhamdulillah!

RAMADAN MUBARAK

Kære brødre og søstre
Ramadan mubarak! Må denne velsignede måned være et springbræt for os alle at styrke vores iman og løfte vores spirituelle niveau. Må Allah belønne os alle for vores faste og bønner. Amin

A special place, a special friend

So im back in İzmit yeahhhhhhh! İ can't believe how fast the time pasted and then again not, i've been longing for beeing back with my friends here for 5 months and im finally finally here! İts strange how you can go back to the exact same state of mind and feeling as i was when i lived here, its exactly like as i just been to İstanbul and is back here for the weekend... İ saw my friend today, my sweet dear ffriend and just reconized from my earlier post that i didn't mentioned her at all, its really strange cause she is one of the most important persons for me here, her and Sevgi. Seda is one of the most humble and giving person i have ever met! İt is hard to explain, me nad her we are like day and night, abd still connect on a level that is so amazing and so rare. Her undestanding and open mind is really remarkable and i dont even know if she knows what an impact she had had on me and still has! She was the first one to take me to a mosque to pray in and sat beside me crying while i like a child performed my first namaz in a mosque, with my papers in front of me with all the surah on, because i couldn't do it by heart back then... The first week she took me to the university which was 25 minutes by bus and when i was off she stood outside the university waiting to follow me back, everyday for over a week, even though i knew the way, but she insisted even though i really think she missed out work...?! The way she does İslam and practice islam is something one could aim for and im constantly amazed by her and the way she sees the world and do jihad in everything she does!
İ hope she one day will become aware of how much she affects me, how much she teaches me and what a dear friend and sister she is to me!
Seda Seni çok ama çoooook seviyorum - Allah ayirmasin bizi!

İ pray that Allah may bless her for every thought, every beautiful intension and action, her beautiful and pure heart and her continuely aim to be near Him. Allahumma please grant her with eternal love, peace and happiness Amin.

To choose or not to choose

Valg
Hvorfor er det at vælge så svært?? Hver dag tager du valg som følge af dine handlinger i hverdagen eller dine handlinger fører til et eller flere valg mellem forskellige ting og situationer. Livet er forunderligt og man bliver op til flere gange i livet sat i situationer, hvor man føler man står ved en skillevej og hvad skal man så vælge?? Man når ligeledes til et sted i livet hvor diverse valg og handlinger har kæmpe indflydelse på ens fremtid og det er netop dette der gør det så forbandet svært at vælge, for hvad nu hvis man ikke vælger rigtigt eller fortryder et valg? Min bedste venindes mantra hedder: nogen gange skal man tage et valg andre gange skal man gøre sit valg rigtigt. Jeg synes det er meget rigtigt, men virkelig virkelig svært, hvilket hun også selv har måtte erkende... Mit livs største valg og det bedste var at konvertere til islam. Jeg har aldrig fortrudt det og har fundet en ro og tryghed som ikke kan måles med noget andet, men det var ikke altid lige let, ikke at jeg var i tvivl for det var jeg egentlig ikke, men det krævede mange overvejelser om hvordan jeg ville gøre det her og samtidig ikke lade mig påvirke af hvordan alle mulige mennesker prøvede at pejle mig i den ene eller anden retning. Mit andet bedste valg i livet er mine valg af veninder! Jeg har en lille håndfuld helt fantastiske piger, som giver mig så meget og som jeg altid kan regne med, jeg ved at vi vil være ved hinandens side gennem tykt og tyndt, mørke og lyse tider og min kærlighed til dem er ubeskrivelig!

Men hvor er det dog svært at vælge og lige så svært at vælge fra. Jeg har tidligere skrevet et indlæg om at give slip og der er tidspunkter i livet hvor man af forskellige årsager bliver nødt til at vælge noget fra, vælge nogen fra og det gør ondt og det gavner. Nogle gange bliver valg taget for en og den er svær for da føler man at man mister kontrol fx når man mister.
Der er ingen garantier i livet og man må tage nogle chancer og man skal turde for ellers når man ingen vegne, det vigtigste og det lever jeg selv efter, er at have hjertet med i de valg jeg tager og så kan det vel ikke gå helt galt vel?!

Muslimer i skudlinjen

And then reality came and slapped me in my face...
Jeg havde glemt hvor svært det sommetider er i Danmark og jeg er jo selv dansk så det er ikke engang særlig slemt for mig, som jeg ku forestille mig det nogle gange kan være for mine medsøstre og brødre. Som konvertit skal man høre for meget, min familie har været fantastisk alhamdulillah, men hvordan kan det være at bekendte som man ellers ikke taler særlig privat med pludselig føler det som en åben invitation til at spørge ind til ens privatliv på baggrund af ens privatliv osv. Mine tætte venner og veninder har ligeledes været vidunderlige og er meget støttende, selvom nogle af dem måske synes jeg er lidt åndsvag med visse ting og eller ikke rigtig kan forstå det, men de prøver og det er det vigtigste. Jeg føler mig sommetider konstant i søgelyset hos folk - bekendte, som kender til min konvertering og som enten prikker til mig, føler de skal omvende mig tilbage, er direkte grænseoverskridende i deres argumenter/diskussioner og andre som overhovedet ikke tager mig seriøst. Det skal lige siges at dette er blandt muslimer selv, nogle af disse jeg beskriver er selv født og opvokset muslimsk, men er af forskellige årsager gået helt væk fra det og eller det er ikke en del af deres liv.
Jeg har en bekendt, hun er gået helt væk fra islam selv og er nærmest i den helt anden grøft og hun har (de gange jeg ser hende) gjort det til sin mission åbenbart at skulle omvende mig og overbevise mig om at min beslutning er en fejltagelse. Den første gang hun konfronterede mig efter hun havde hørt om min konvertering, gik hun helt i baglås og det skulle åbenbart dikuteres. Hun havde fået en del at drikke og jeg ku ærlig talt ikke tage hende seriøst, men vi sad 4 om bordet og de diskuterede alle mig, uden egentlig at inddrage mig og høre hvad jeg selv havde at sige og lige der orkede jeg det egentlig ikke, da der var alkohol involveret og synes ikke det var passende at tage islam snakken der. Hun blev ved og ved og det kom så langt ud at hun sagde med tårer i øjnene til mig, at hun vidste at jeg en dag ville komme til hende og sige at jeg havde begået mit livs fejltagelse og at jeg ville være mere lykkelig uden islam... Det slog mig som en knytnæve i hovedet - jeg blev SÅ ked af det, ved ikke hvorfor for hun er ikke en som er særlig tæt på mig, men hun overskred en grænse, især fordi jeg har brugt flere år på at komme hertil og det er ikke bare er en hurtig beslutning jeg tog, men noget virkelig velovervejet og jeg vidste hvad jeg gik ind til. Jeg har brugt i hvertfald 3-4 år på at læse og undersøge og udforske islam før jeg endeligt konverterede og 1 år hvor jeg oprigtigt troede, men mente at jeg VILLE læse Koranen og lære lidt bøn osv før jeg konverterede - Jeg mente og mener stadig ikke at jeg ville kunne kalde mig muslim uden at have læst Koranen og leve lidt som muslim inden jeg sagde shahada. Troen var allerede i mit hjerte, men jeg gør aldrig noget halvt så det har taget sin tid.
Jeg følte meget at hun undervurderede mig, føler stadig hun gør det. Så sent som for et par dage siden stødte jeg på hende igen og hun var igen fuld og begyndte at fremprovokere islamsnakken og min konvertering. Jeg er relateret til Søren Kierkegaard, som hun forguder og hun fik råbt meget højt foran mine kollegaer og venner at jeg var en skændsel mod mine forfædre og en skamplet mod alt hvad han havde troet på og arbejdet på. Blev igen ret ked af det, for ikke nok med at hun ydmygede mig, så blev hun personlig og direkte grov. Jeg reagerede bare ved at smile og sige at hun ikke vidste hvad hun talte om og gik derefter.
Dette er nogle af de groveste episoder, men udover det har jeg oplevet muslimer selv som ikke tager mig alvorligt og sætter spørgsmålstegn ved min tro og oprigtigheden i det. Da jeg ikke er lukket kan det måske have noget med det at gøre, men skal jeg virkelig tage tørklæde på før at jeg tages alvorligt? Andre spørger bare ind til hvordan jeg vil opdrage mine børn, om jeg skal have tørklæde på, om jeg har konverteret for at blive gift og andre meget mere private spørgsmål som jeg ikke vil komme nærmere ind på. Nogle af mine muslimske veninder har ligeledes taget sig sin frihed til at holde foredrag om at jeg SKAL tage tørklæde på og jeg SKAL dit og dat, på en måde som ikke er opmuntrende men mere skal tale til min samvittighed.
Det var så en masse af de dårlige oplevelser som jeg lige fik kradset ned, men der er jo overvejende positive reaktioner, men hvordan kan det være at de dårlige overskygger de gode og fylder så meget?? Da jeg boede i Tyrkiet var det så nemt, ingen satte spørgsmåltegn ved noget, da man jo lidt var i samme båd og der var reaktionerne udelukkende positive - altså jeg har nærmest fået kvinder til at græde i moskeen fordi de synes det var så fantastisk... Allah prøver os alle og det er måske for at styrke min iman. Så denne post er til alle mine brødre og søstre for jeg ved at i derude er mere udsat og under mere kritik end mig og jeg beundrer jer for at rejse jer igen og igen, i har min fulde respekt Masha'Allah!

Home sweet home

Så kom jeg hjem til Danmark igen - wow en reaktion det havde på mig... Jeg er lidt følsom disse dage...
Det var dejligt at se min familie og veninder, de fleste har jeg jo ikke set i 6 måneder og der var ikke et øje tørt i lufthavnen. Men hvor var det mærkeligt at komme hjem - meget meget mærkeligt, for hjem hvad er det? Istanbul var jo blevet mit hjem og pludselig var man "rigtigt" hjemme igen, jeg kunne slet ikke finde ud af det de første par dage... Jeg håber meget jeg insha'Allah kan overføre meget af det jeg havde opnået dernede, min islam har fået sig et boost der, det var så nemt! Der var adhan 5 gange om dagen og dem jeg boede hos langt hen ad vejen var meget praktiserende og det blev noget man var fælles om, noget hyggeligt og socialt og i Allahs navn, det var så nemt og alhamdulillah jeg har lært så meget. Jeg synes det er svært her i dk. Som konvertit har man ikke familien at dyrke det med og selvom min familie alhamdulillah er meget støttende, meget åbne og faktisk kun har reageret positivt på min konvertering, så skiller jeg mig jo stadig lidt ud i min livsstil og det er ikke noget jeg kan dele med dem på samme måde som hvis de selv var muslimer. Jeg har muslimske veninder og venner, men kun få som er blandt dem der er aller tættest på mig, så i visse situationer kan man godt føle at man står lidt alene fx på eid og så må man jo være kreativ. Jeg skal virkelig ha' overført nogle af de ting jeg satte mig for at føre ud i livet da jeg var i Istanbul, at begynde at bevæge mig lidt mere indenfor kredse hvor man både lærer noget om islam og også får et netværk. Jeg havde øjeblikke i Tyrkiet hvor jeg virkelig følte nærvær, følte mig opløftet og ja på en måde ren, jeg vil gerne opnå samme følelse her og det vil insha'Allah lykkes med tiden...

Always there to catch me when i fall

Do you know those people who always is there to catch you if you feel like falling? Do you know those people who is able to look beyond themselves and reach out their hand for you? Do you know those people who can calm you dawn just by saying a few words and with their warmth in their hearts? Do you know those people who can put you back on the right path when you're lost? Do you know those people who will sacrifice almost everything for you just to see you happy? And do you know those people with whom you have a very special bond with, so they can sense there is something wrong with you even without knowing? Do you know those people who speak up for you when people treat you wrong? I have such a person in my life, actually i'm blessed with several alhamdulillah, but this particular person again today reminded me of how special and precious our friendship is and how we must be connected on a higher level. Again she reached out for me, today she said all the things i have failed to say myself. See we have a connection on a higher level i think, whenever im sad or upset or just think of her - She calls!! Or text me... Don't know how she does it, but its amazing! She's the kind of person who can put your thoughts into words when you can't yourself. Today she did something for me, something so important and i can't never thank her enough. She pushed me back into the right direction and stood up for me like no other. She is truely a blessing in my life! Samia thank you - for the person you are and for always guiding me in the right direction, for your heart, your soul and amazing friendship. I thank Allah every minute for you and may He bless you for every beautiful word, every beautiful thought, for every step you take and for your beautiful beautiful heart! Amin. Jeg elsker dig min smukke ørken prinsesse - dette er en hyldest til dig, som jeg ved du er for ydmyg til at modtage, men det skal du, for du er fantastisk! The Prophet saws have said: If one of you loves his brother let him know it.
And i do looooooove you my sister!!

At give slip

Hvorfor er det så svært at give slip??

Min udveksling til Istanbul har bestemt fået mig til at indse nogle ting. Det har været en følelsmæssig rutchebanetur og jeg er blevet stillet overfor situationer og følelser jeg aldrig har skulle håndtere før, det har mange gange krævet min koncentration og været en udfordring. Det er meget kliche agtigt at sige, men dette ophold har fået mig tættere på hvem jeg er, jeg har måske lidt fundet mig selv (hvis det nogensinde kan lade sig gøre) og jeg har måtte gøre op med nogle ting i mig selv.
En ting har jeg dog fundet ud af og det er at jeg ufattelig dårlig til at give slip. Når jeg først har lukket et menneske ind i mit liv, som jeg har holdt af har jeg rigtig rigtig svært ved at give slip på denne person igen. Nu er livet jo således, at man nogen gange ikke har et valg, at der er mennesker i dit liv som kan vælge at forlade dig af forskellige årsager og det er dernæst dit valg om hvornår du så vil give slip på denne person. Fysisk er valget måske ikke dit, men følelsesmæssigt kan denne person spøge længe efter vedkommende ikke er en del af dit liv mere. Jeg har meget svært ved dette, rigtig svært. Om jeg selv vælger at lade personen "gå" eller om personen "går" selv, uanset hvad er det så svært for mig, hvis jeg har holdt af denne person.
Men hvorfor er det så svært at give slip? Er det den måde et andet menneske får dig til at føle på og/eller de ting vedkommende får frem i dig? Jeg kan stadig savne folk der har været i mit liv flere år tilbage, men som af forskellige årsager ikke er det mere, det kan være direkte brud, uvenskab eller at man bare er gået i forskellige retninger.
Er man svag hvis man ikke giver slip på folk?? Personligt kan jeg ikke bare tænde og slukke og det tager tid for mig at "miste", jeg tror vel bare at jeg er svag når det kommer til følelsesmæssige relationer. Når man er involveret med et andet menneske, skaber man bånd om man vil det eller ej og man får og giver indbyrdes, hvis og når den relation så ophører, hvor skal man så gøre af alt det der er blevet givet og det man har fået. Propper man det bare ind i hjertekulen og husker det som et smukt minde og kommer videre med sit liv? Minder er dejlige, men endnu dejligere hvis man stadig har personen i sit liv til at walke down memory lane med, hvis man sidder med minder alene om de er gode eller dårlige, så er det vel altid en reminder om at disse minder er noget der engang var, som ikke er mere og det er der det bliver svært. Det sværeste er nu engang at give slip på folk som man ikke kan have i sit liv af moralske og/eller religiøse årsager, den gør ondt... Det er her man virkelig bliver prøvet, for hvis du holder af en person, men at det moralsk er forkert at have denne i dit liv, så er det en kamp, det er en kamp om store følelser. Din moral er dit standpunkt, dit fundament og en del af dit værdisæt, men når det er oppe imod din kærlighed til et andet menneske, svækkes din moral langsomt, da vil man altid vil finde på undskyldninger for sig selv "for det er jo kærlghed", men kan det være kærlighed når det ikke kan forsvares moralsk og ikke stemmer overens med dine værdier og måske principper? Så bliver man måske nødt til at give slip, men hvorfor, hvorfor er det så svært at give slip???

Tag target??!!

I have been tagged by my dear friend Hema...hmmm describe 7 weird facts about yourself...
Well i don't know, weird to others or weird to myself?
Maybe both...

1. Coffee - I'm addicted to coffee big time to the extent where i consider sleep as being overestimated.

2. I use funny words...Well not funny words, but oldfashioned danish words, which really confuses people sometimes as it is mixed with slang and "normal" words. Then i also tend to drive people crazy with using the same frases in periods (right Samia) for example JA HEJ and driving people crazy with it because i say it aaaaalllll the time. lol

3. Orientation. I can get lost everywhere, really everywhere. Denmark is a very small country, but i really don't know street names and so on. It's a big thing that i can find my way home, when im somewhere i haven't been before and it's a challenge to be in Istanbul which is HUGE! Thank God for taxis!!!

4. Technical stuff... I'm so bad! And math, which is a funny thing cuz my dad is a math teacher, i guess i didn't inherited those genes. In Denmark we have i saying - Kvinder og teknik, which is translated to Women and technic (stuff) Anything logical actually, i'm just bad, but give me something to analyze and i'm on!

5. Bugs - I'm hysterical afraid of bugs, spiders and so on. Always screaming and sometimes crying, driving other people crazy (with the screaming) Once i discovered a spider in my flat, well not a spider but one of those big flying things (stankelben, eeeewwww) and locked myself into the bathroom and called my brother and waited for him to come and get rid of it (he lives 10 minutes away from me by car) He was sooooo annoyed, but i was crying and VERY hysterical, so he thought something had happend...

6. I love turkish and arab music! Don't understand much but still sing along... Went to a turkish concert with one of my favorite artists - Tarkan. And he did make an english album, but i stood there singing along to only the turkish songs and not the english!? People must have thought; " What is up with that weird blond girl"... Actually think i might have been the only dane there??

7. What to say what to say...hmmm I'm just weird in general, i believe myself that it's in a cute way??! But i will let others be the judges of that (please be gentle)

I will tag Samia next, kom så sveske 7 underlige facts om dig selv, du må godt skrive flere lol

A reminder

I was really touched by this story and it is a reminder how short life is, how much we should treasure it and spend our time well. Allah knows best!




A true story translated by Muhammad Alshareef

Her cheeks were worn and sunken and her skin hugged her bones. That didn't stop her though, you could never catch her not reciting Qur'an. Always vigil in her personal prayer room Dad had set up for her. Bowing, prostrating, raising her hands in prayer. That was the way she was from dawn to sunset and back again, boredom was for others.
As for me I craved nothing more than fashion magazines and novels. I treated myself all the time to videos until those trips to the rental place became my trademark. As they say, when something becomes habit people tend to distinguish you by it. I was negligent in my responsibilities and laziness characterized my Salah.

One night, I turned the video off after a marathon three hours of watching. The adhan softly rose in that quiet night. I slipped peacefully into my blanket.Her voice carried from her prayer room. "Yes? Would you like anything Noorah?" I said.With a sharp needle she popped my plans. "Don't sleep before you pray Fajr!"Agh...there's still an hour before Fajr, that was only the first Adhaan!With those loving pinches of hers, she called me closer. She was always like that, even before the fierce sickness shook her spirit and shut her in bed. "Hanan can you come sit beside me."I could never refuse any of her requests, you could touch the purity and sincerity. "Yes, Noorah?""Please sit here.""OK, I"m sitting. What's on your mind?"With the sweetest mono voice she began reciting:"Every soul shall taste death and you will merely be repaid your earnings on Resurrection Day"
She stopped thoughtfully. Then she asked, "Do you believe in death?""Of course I do.""Do you believe that you shall be responsible for whatever you do, regardless of how small or large?""I do, but Allah is Forgiving and Merciful and I have got a long life waiting for me.""Stop it Hanan ... aren't you afraid of death and it's abruptness? Look at Hind. She was younger than you but she died in a car accident. So did so and so, and so and so. Death is age-blind and your age could never be a measure of when you shall die."
The darkness of the room filled my skin with fear. "I'm scared of the dark and now you made me scared of death, how am I supposed to go to sleep now. Noorah, I thought you promised you'd go with us on vacation during the summer break."Impact. Her voice broke and her heart quivered. "I might be going on a long trip this year Hanan, but somewhere else. Just maybe. All of our lives are in Allah's Hands and we all belong to Him."
My eyes welled and the tears slipped down both cheeks.I pondered my sisters grizzly sickness, how the doctors had informed my father privately that there was not much hope that Noorah was going to outlive the disease. She wasn't told though. Who hinted to her? Or was it that she could sense the truth."What are you thinking about Hanan?" Her voice was sharp. "Do you think I am just saying this because I am sick? Uh - uh. In fact, I may live longer than people who are not sick. And you Hanan, how long are you going to live? Twenty years, maybe? Forty? Then what?" Through the dark she reached for my hand and squeezed gently. "
There's no difference between us; we're all going to leave this world to live in Paradise or agonize in Hell. Listen to the words of Allah:"Anyone who is pushed away from the Fire and shown into Jannah will have triumphed."
I left my sister's room dazed, her words ringing in my ears: May Allah guide you Hanan - don't forget your prayer.

Eight O'clock in the morning. Pounding on my door. I don't usually wake up at this time. Crying. Confusion. O Allah, what happened?
Noorahs condition became critical after Fajr, they took her immediately to the hospital ... Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un.There wasn't going to be any trips this summer. It was written that I would spend the summer at home.
After an eternity...
It was one O'clock in the afternoon. Mother phoned the hospital. "Yes. You can come and see her now." Dad's voice had changed, mother could sense something had gone deathly wrong. We left immediately.Where was that avenue I used to travel and thought was so short? Why was it so long now, so very long. Where was the cherished crowd and traffic that would give me a chance to gaze left and right. Everyone, just move out of our way. Mother was shaking her head in her hands crying as she made dua'a for her Noorah.We arrived at the hospitals main entrance. One man was moaning, another was involved in an accident and a third's eyes were iced, you couldn't tell if he was alive or dead.We skipped stairs to Noorahs floor. She was in intensive care.The nurse approached us. "Let me take you to her." As we walked down the aisles the nurse went on expressing how sweet a girl Noorah was. She reassured Mother somewhat that Noorah's condition had gotten better than what it was in the morning."Sorry. No more than one visitor at a time." This was the intensive care unit. Through the small window in the door and past the flurry of white robes I caught my sisters eyes. Mother was standing beside her. After two minutes, mother came out unable to control her crying."
You may enter and say Salam to her on condition that you do not speak too long," they told me. "Two minutes should be enough.""How are you Noorah? You were fine last night sister, what happened?"We held hands, she squeezed harmlessly.
"Even now, Alhamdulillah, I'm doing fine.""Alhamdulillah...but...your hands are so cold."I sat on her bedside and rested my fingers on her knee. She jerked it away. "Sorry ... did I hurt you?"
"No, it is just that I remembered Allah's words;
One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud){waltafatul saaqu bil saaq}"Hanan pray for me. I may be meeting the first day of the hearafter very soon. It is a long journey and I haven't prepared enough good deeds in my suitcase."A tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek at her words. I cried and she joined me. The room blurred away and left us two sisters - to cry together. Rivulets of tears splashed down on my sister's palm which I held with both hands. Dad was now becoming more worried about me. I've never cried like that before.

At home and upstairs in my room, I watched the sun pass away with a sorrowful day. Silence mingled in our corridors. A cousin came in my room, another. The visitors were many and all the voices from downstairs stirred together. Only one thing was clear at that point ...
Noorah had died!
I stopped distinguishing who came and who went. I couldn't remember what they said. O Allah, where was I? What was going on? I couldn't even cry anymore.Later that week they told me what had happened. Dad had taken my hand to say goodbye to my sister for the last time, I had kissed Noorah's head. I remember only one thing though, seeing her spread on that bed, the bed that she was going to die on.
I remembered the verse she recited:"One leg will be wrapped to the other leg (in the death shroud)" and I knew too well the truth of the next verse: "The drive on that day we be to your Lord (Allah)!"
I tiptoed into her prayer room that night. Staring at the quiet dressers and silenced mirrors, I treasured who it was that had shared my mother's stomach with me. Noorah was my twin sister.I remembered who I had swapped sorrows with. Who had comforted my rainy days. I remembered who had prayed for my guidance and who had spent so many tears for so many long nights telling me about death and accountability.
May Allah save us all.

Tonight is Noorah's first night that she shall spend in her tomb. O Allah, have mercy on her and illumine her grave. This was her Qur'an, her prayer mat and this was the spring rose-colored dress that she told me she would hide until she got married, the dress she wanted to keep just for her husband.I remembered my sister and cried over all the days that I had lost. I prayed to Allah to have mercy on me, accept me and forgive me. I prayed to Allah to keep her firm in her grave as she always liked to mention in her supplications.
that moment, I stopped. I asked myself: what if it was I who had died? Where would I be moving on to? Fear pressed me and the tears began all over again.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar...
The first adhan rose softly from the Masjid, how beautiful it sounded this time. I felt calm and relaxed as I repeated the Muadhdhins call. I wrapped the shawl around my shoulders and stood to pray Fajr. I prayed as if it was my last prayer, a farewell prayer, just like Noorah had done yesterday. It had been her last Fajr.Now and insha' Allah for the rest of my life, if I awake in the mornings I do not count on being alive by evening, and in the evening I do not count on being alive by morning.We are all going on Noorah's journey. What have we prepared for it?
Allaahumma zay-yinnaa bi zeenat-il-eemaani waj'alnaa hudaatan muhtadeen.
Oh Allah! Dress us with the beauty of Faith, and make us guides who are upon (correct) guidance. Ameen.

My Mum

This is an applause to my mother.
You know you really realize how important many people are to you when you're very far away from them. I have been in Turkey for almost 4 months now and a day does not pass by where i don't miss my mum or think of her. She came to me in my dream the other night - kissed my forehead and stroke my hair as she usually does, i woked up crying...
Let me tell me about my mother. My mum LOVES. Really loves, everyone and everything. She sees the best in people- always and don't ever judge anyone. She is always there for people in need and feel enormous compassion for humans, animals and every living creature. She is very wise and the best listener and always reach out to people in need and takes them under her wing. The love she has inside of her is so pure, so real and so amazing and so admirable. I'm very proud of her, the person she is and the way she affect others with her warmth and gentleness. She is at the same time so strong, has raised three children on her own, giving all of us so many good values to take with us in life. She have always been there for us whenever we needed her and has fight for us when we were treated unjusted. She puts everyone before herself, especially us. I admire her and her unconditional love to life, to the creation and to human beings, for her LOVE. She has always taught us that everything is love and comes from and with love. If you love you can never go wrong and there is something good in every people, even the most evil ones. Many would call this approach to life naive, i will say that it's amazing. How many of us see the best in people without having our reservations? To protect ourselves from being hurt of course. My mum takes this hurt and turn it into love, she takes weakness and puts it into strength. She is so proud of me and the person i am, she tells me all the time. I can never do anything wrong in her eyes, i can never dissapoint her. When i converted into Islam, we discussed it (she's very spiritual and into the alternative stuff) and i got mad at her because she argued some of the things i believed in. I said; "You're just disappointed because i didn't went in your direction". She interrupted me and said: "No! That's one thing you always can be certain of, and that is that you can NEVER disappoint me. I love you, you're my daugther, my pride and if you're happy then my happiness is complete".

The Prophet Saws have said: Paradise lies at the feet of your mother (Al-Tirmidhi) and it is so well said. I believe that your mother's love is like a glimpse of paradise.
I thank Allah everyday for my mum and only He knows how deep and great my love and respect is for her! Mor jeg savner dig!!!!!

Beautiful Istanbul

Her er nogle af Istanbuls skønheder


Sultan Ahmet

Aya Sofia

Udsigt fra Mit Universitet (Bogazici)

Izmit

Underjordisk vandcisterne

Sultan Ahmet

I Aya Sofia

Aya Sofia

Sultan Ahmet

I Aya Sofia

Hvor havene mødes

Aya Sofia

Savn

Hvilken stærk følelse! En følelse som jeg kan nikke genkendende til... Jeg har på nuværende tidspunkt ikke set min familie og veninder i 3 måneder og 5 dage og kun Gud ved hvor meget jeg savner dem!!! Savn er en ambivalent følelse, den kan tære dig op indefra og gøre så ondt, men samtidig er det en følelse som er afledt af kærlighed, en enorm kærlighed til de mennesker eller menneske man savner. Man kan savne et menneske som helhed, man kan savne et menneskes handlinger, et menneskes sind og nærvær. Nærvær er vigtigt. Man savner et specielt menneskes nærvær på baggrund af den måde hvorpå han/hun får dig til at føle eller det bånd og forhold du har til denne. Man kan savne en persons fysiske nærvær, i mit tilfælde fordi jeg er så langt væk fra alle. Men det er ikke kun mennesker man kan savne, man kan savne en tid, et minde, et sted, en speciel sitution hvor man følte noget specielt.
Indenfor social videnskaben og humanoria er følelser noget der er socialt konstrueret i social interaktion, det er ikke biologisk eller psykologisk, men deriomod noget der skabes af udefrakommende kræfter og samfundet, herunder andre mennesker og sociale og strukturelle kræfter. Jeg er enig til en vis grænse, hvis vi fx taler om følelesen frygt, så skabes denne oftest af sociale kræfter - det kan være frygt som kommer af hvad samfundet har skabt, fx krig osv. Men savn er en mere kompleks følelse vil jeg mene. Du savner en person for hvad denne er og hvad denne får dig til at føle og det kommer dybt indefra. Når man savner et menneske, om det er et menneske du har i dit liv eller har mistet, så er det på baggrund af en kærlighed til dette menneske, fordi du elsker eller har elsket denne person. Jeg er enig i at meget er social konstrueret og at der foregår og forekommer mange følelser i social interaktion med andre mennesker, men jeg mener endnu stærkere at når der tales følelser, så udspringer det oftest fra kærlighed. Jeg mener at alt starter og slutter med kærlighed og følelsen kærlighed er hvad der får forskellige sociale fænomener til at opstå, et menneske handler på baggrund af sine følelser om det så er skabt socialt af sig selv eller andre, diverse følelser er drivkraften bag enhver handling.
Savn er noget som er dybt forankret i ens indre, som handler om kærlighed til et andet menneske. Det er som sagt meget ambivalent, fordi jeg savner fordi jeg virkelig virkelig elsker denne/disse personer og det gør mig ked af det at jeg ikke har dem nær, men på sammen tid er jeg stolt af at have personer omkring som fylder så meget i mit liv og som kan få mig til at føle så stærkt. Savn leder for mig og specielt i dette tilfælde til en hel anden følelse; taknemlighed! Jeg savner min familie og venner fordi jeg elsker dem, fordi de er det vigtigste i mit liv, for det de gør for mig og ved mig, for deres kærlighed, støtte og omsorg. Jg savner dem fordi de er med til at skabe mig, at gøre mig til et bedre menneske og fordi de er en kæmpe del af mig som person og i mit liv. Jeg er dybt dybt taknemlig, jeg vidste jeg havde al grund til taknemlighed før jeg rejste, men har for alvor indset hvor vigtigt alle diss mennesker er for, hvor meget de fylder i mit liv og hvordan jeg på ingen måde kan undvære dem nogensinde! Jeg savner dem, fordi de er med til at gøre mig til den person jeg er og fylder så meget.
Rumi har skrevet at, "at elske mennesker er at elske Gud" og for mig kan dette ikke siges mere rigtigt. Allah er kærlighed, den Største kærlighed og kærlighed er Hans største manifestation mennesket skal lære. Dette kan vi gennem kærlighed til Ham, men mere fysisk og håndgribeligt mellem hinanden. Man lærer om kærlighed og følelser gennem samspil med andre mennesker, mennesker som Allah har lukket ind i vores liv, mennesker som kan give dig alle mulige forskellige slags følelser, kærlighed, forelskelse, respekt, sorg, frygt, savn, smerte, ydmyghed, glæde, fred, vrede osv. Alle disse følelser lærer os om Ham, om hans skaberværk og giver os mulighed for at komme tættere på Ham og hinanden. Men vi kan være sikre på at alle følelser og hændelser deraf udspringer af kærlighed!
Alt vender tilbage til kærlighed - til Allah. Jeg savner nu, rigtig meget, så meget at det gør ondt indeni mig, men det skaber samtidig en taknemlighed i mig, at jeg har så mange vidunderlige mennesker at savne og jeg er dem taknemlige, men først og fremmest Allah taknemlig for at føre disse mennesker ind i mit liv og fortsat føre fantastiske mennesker ind i mit liv! Og Allah er i sandhed stor! Det største - Kærlighed!!

Rumi poems

İ love Rumi and his message of love. Here are some of my favourites. Enjoy

Music is the nutrition of the souls of the servants of the Lord
Since, in music, there is the hope of reaching God.


Come, come whoever you are
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of living, it dosen't matter
Ours is not a caravan of despair
Come, even if you have broke your wov a thousand times
Come, yet again, come come


Our mother is love! Our father is love!
we are born from love! We ar love!
All lovers constitute a bridge leading to the Divine love.
To love human beings means to love God.


As long as my life persists, İm the servant of the Qur'an,
A dust of the path of Muhammad, the Chosen,
İf one conveys contrary to my words,
Disgusted İ am from the conveyer and from the conveyed.
(Rumi, Divan-i Kabir, Rubaiyyat No: 133)

Love is reckless; not reason.
Reason seeks a profit.
There is no one more insane than the lover
For his reason is blind and deaf because of love
(Rumi. Masnavi)

Love is here like the blood in my veins and skin
İt has emptied me of myself and filled me with the Beloved,
His fire has penetrated all the atoms of my body
Of 'me' only my name remains; the rest is Him.

İzmit

So where was i...
İ love İzmit! This city is so small, at least compared to İstanbul. İt only populates 1 1/2 million people. You only have to walk 10 minutes from the city center to the seaside. There are small parks everywhere and just a nice atmosphere. İ love it here. İt is really because of the people i met here, i have never felt so welcomed my entire life and their hospitality is just too much as i don't know how to ever repay them. İ already have so many wonderful experiences from here to keep in my heart and it is bitter sweet to leave for İstanbul. İ can find self around here and have really settled and now i have to start all over when i go to İstanbul, but i will be okay insAllah.
İ did my first namaz in a mosque here - Fevsiye Mosque. (we don't have mosques in Denmark, they're working on it İnsAllah) İt was a really special experience for me and my friend who took me there couldn2t stop crying because of it. My first namaz was here as well, at Sevgis. People just go crazy when i put on the hijaab and old ladies in the mosque all come and ask where im from and that they have a son or a grandson for me LOL
İt's so funny to see how people react on me, they're not used to foreigners or converts. So they go like: Mashallah MashAllah! and pinch my cheeks and its just so sweet how happy people become because of my islam. But i also track some attention. İm blond, very blond! Typical scandinavian fair with blue eyes and new in islam and namaz and have a small paper in front of me when i pray to remember all the sura and dua and of course people notice that lol.
But i love this mosque, it's so peaceful - not too small nor too big, its perfect!
My friend Sevgi and her husband have 4 restaurants here, we always go there as its placed very central. İ make friends all the time, its so funny how it works here. They meet me, for example through sevgi or my other friends and want to know all about me and like 5 minutes after they want to exchange phonenumbers and take me places to eat or see. They buy me presents - my friends and people i just met. For example, me and sevgi went to her tailor, she was going for some new dresses. the tailor was a friend of hers, so we sat and chatted and before i knew it, they started to take measures on me, because her friend wanted to make me a dress (i got it today, it is so nice). İ mean i just met this women...
İm beginning to feel embarrassed because i don't know how to give them back and when i try, by paying for example, they get offended and wont let me. İts just their culture, but im not used to it (even though we should really take their example in Denmark)
İ feel so blessed (did i say that already).
The backsides are the men. İ can't walk on the street alone without tracking too much attention and even if i just walk in front of Sevgi they give me comments and stuff like that. İ hate it, come on have some respect! İm fully covered except my hair and yes its blond, but get over it! My mum constantly tells me to wear hijaab (how weird is that to hear that from her) when i go around by myself, a friend of hers daugther did the same and no one approached her or gave her comments. İ dont know, we'll see how it goes.
My friend Ayşe is coming tomorrow yeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh and Samia soon as well İnshAllah. İ just can't wait to stand next to them in prayer and to show them around this wonderful city and İstanbul and for them to see and feel the atmosphere. İt really is something special! My dad will also come in 3 weeks, i can't wait - orh daddy i really miss him (im sooooo daddys girl - he still thinks im 12 or something) İ spended the first days of the ramadan here, oh what a blessed month! What an atmosphere! And for the Tahravi pray - oh man its just the best. When you and hundreds others goes down in prostration and when the imam recites the Quran everyday there. İ could just go on and i will in another post...

May Allah shower you all with His endless blessings upon you and your families.

Mit eventyr

İ'm in turkey now and have been for almost 7 weeks. My dear friend friend Hema recently told me that i no longer have any excuse for not posting so i better come up with something, now that i settled. İt has already been a bumpy ride - emotional and personal. İt was awful to say goodbye to my family and friends in the airport, i was crying my eyes out and so were the others - even my dad!!!!! And he never cries (i have only seen this twice in my life) so you can imagine that i was heartbroken and at the same time scared to death (i hate flying). İ had know idea what to expect and where exactly i was going. İ have some contacts in Denmark who had contacts down here, so some one was meeting me in the airport and i got their numbers, they were also supposed to follow me to İzmit where i was staying for the first 6 weeks to take a turkish course. So i got there and got my luggage right away and then i came out and was met with hundred of people with namesigns. so there i stood and couldn't see my name anywhere. İ waited a while and got kaind of scared after 15 minutes so i called my friend in Denmark and she called the one who thank God came shortly after. We travelled through İstanbul - Oh My! The city was huge (well still is). So he put me on a bus and just told me to get off the stop before İzmit - WHAT!? İ have never been so scared my entire life, the busride took around an hour and i texted my mum she could tell right away how scared i was and got really worried.
Well i arrived and he had of course told the staff where my stop was, so they called me to get off. İ was met by three girls who looked so nice. they took me to a restaurant that was owned by one of them - Sevgi. One of them spoke english so the asked my all kind of questions. From where i knew turkish people and how i had got in contact with them, from who and so on. İ got really confused cause i thought they new i was muslim, so they freaked out of happiness when i told them. Some others girls came and joined us and my mum called to make sure i was okay (she was sooooooooo worried) She later told me, that she could tell how releaved i sounded.
The girls took me to Sevgis house and i was really tired. But we stayed up all night talking, well me and Pinar one of the girls who speaked english (Sevgi dosen't). They were so curious about me and how i converted and when and so on. İ slept well that night and thanked God for always looking after me and making the best for me alhamdulillah.
the day after we went to the university (they went with me everywhere, i felt so save) and was a day late so came in the middle of af class. There were 10 other students from all over the world, nice but strange people. None of them really talked to me the first day besides asking me where i was from. Only one goy from USA who followed me to the cafeteria. There were no other students at the university and it was huge and so empty. İ did not like that place the first couple of times. İ didn't stay at the dorm, which made the girls so happy. İ stayed at Sevgis the first week. (she has a really nice house, she and her husband)
Pinar stayed there with me everyday and we got really close. We stayed up every night, me her and Sevgi talking and talking. Pinar is really religious and very serious and quiet and im kind of out going but we really got along. Sevgi is just the best, we couldn't talk as my turkish is really bad and her english likewise, but we communicated anyway and really wanted to. We just have some kind of understanding for eachother and bonded right away - i love her!
İ started practizing my namaz, they helped me and i slowly started. İt is easy here, you have the adhan five times a day and everyone around me pray. İ love it, i love the feeling of being closer to Allah...
But i have to admit that it was hard for me at first - not the namaz but the lifestyle. The first week was really hard on me. İ felt like i had to live and do like them as i was with them all the time, but it was too much to begin with as i not used to live like this and it was so overwhealming that everything was İslam and i loved it at the same time because i learned so much. But when you're new in it you deal with all kind of emotions and it was mixed with all the emotions of being in turkey in the first place, which is so different from what i come from.
İ really missed my family and friends! My mum called the second day and i couldn't stop crying, neither could she, it was awful.
İ felt like a child again, all alone in a huge country (not really but thats how i felt) i couldn't speak the language and was depended on someone else. İ was soooooooo far away from my family, my network and daily life and routines (you really realize how important this is to have!) İ was really unhappy the first week, was almost ready to go home, but i kept patient and prayed to God to give me strenght and patience. And He did SubhanAllah!
İt all culminated when Pinar told me after a week that we had to move and was going to stay at her dorm, i got a bad feeling about it right away, but didn't say anything cause they really did everything to make me feel comfortable and arranged so many things for me so i wouldn't feel bored. The next day we had breakfast and Sevgi could tell that i was nervous, she tried to calm me down, but i just coldn't shake the nervous feeling off me. We went to Pinars dorm and i was right, it looked like a prison and i just felt my stomach crumble. İt was the same inside, her room was so small and there was to beds and a closet, that's it. İ felt like crying just knew i wouldn't be comfortable there. İ went outside and texted my friend, who tried to calm me down. İt was really hard for me because i knew i wouldn't be happy there, but i felt so bad towards Pinar as this was here home... İ think she could tell and asked if i wanted to spend the night some where else so we did. We went to a house where 6 teachers lived, one of them- Melek took my heart right away, she was so nice, so out going and really funny, she also liked me right away. İ calmed down and later asked Pinar if we could stay there instead and she said we could do everything i wanted! She is the best, so nice, so humble, so beautiful in her iman. İ had meanwhile arranged a short vacation with my friends from Denmark who also stayed in Turkey for 6 months and i went there a couple of days afterwards - it was sooooo good to be with someone who knew me and talked danish! lol
The turkish course didn't lived up to my expectations, the teachers didn't speak english! And instead of teaching us how to speak, which is really necessary downhere as no one speaks english, they teached us grammar (a lot of grammar!) Everyone in class was so frustrated!
There was also a new girl in class - Laura from Germany, we bonded right away and it was so nice to have someone to talk to everyday at the uni. She was also going to study at Boğazici (my university in İstanbul) Alhamdulillah!
My vacation in Didim (where my friends from DK stayed) was so nice, we had so much fun. İ really missed the girls in İzmit and was so happy to see them when i got back and so were they. Pinar told me that Sevgi really missed me and wanted me to stay at her house, i was so happy about that, because the girls house was crowded and the often had guests staying there, so they let me have their beds and slept on the floor and it made me feel bad and embarrassed. They wouldn't let me go when i told them, but i insisted and promised to visit them. İ really settled at that time, i kept on meeting so many wonderful people who embraced me right away. İ felt and still feel so blessed! İ Thank God everyday for keeping on letting so many amazing people into my life! İ am truely blessed with a wonderful family and so good and close friends in Denmark, i have never felt more loved! My dad calls every third day and my mum as well, my dear friends tells me on a daily basis how much they miss me and love me. Don't get me wrong i do the same, instead of shopping i spend all my money on telephonecards, but i need the contact and i miss them soooooo much!
İ am so grateful for everything that i have, that Allah continues to bless me with love and friendship. İ am so grateful for this opportunity, to learn and to get closer...
İ been here for 7 weeks and i already developed so much - my iman, my islam, myself. İ feel so peaceful as im getting closer and closer.
İ miss my family and friends (did i say that already) but i also realized how lucky i am and the distance have only made my love and respect for them even stronger, even though i thought that was impossible. İ thank God for them everyday!
To be continued.....

Denmark and Hijab

Just when we all thought the ridiculous debate about womens right to wear hijab in Western (which is obvious, it's a private thing between women and God) modern societies was over...
An arab women wearing hijab is running for the goverment and this have caused a mediastorm... We have in Denmark this party called Dansk Folkeparti, which contains semi-nazis and other small and ignorant people - their slogan is; Denmark for Danes!
They are known for their controversal and absolutely evil statements, for example "All muslims are cancercells", "Muslim women are supressed, pathetic creatures" "Islam is evil" and it goes on. I'm so sick of these attacks on muslim brothers and sisters including myself - the thing is, i'm an danish girl with blond hair, not wearing hijab, no one would never even consider that i'm muslim, but i am.
ALHAMDU LILLAH!!!

I know Denmark has a bad reputation since the Cartoons episode and this post is not written to strenghten any prejudices, my family is danish and ARE NOT LIKE THAT, most danes aren't.
But it hurts to see how so many muslim brothers and sisters who has to struggle against all these terrible prejudices, i will Insh'Allah soon participate in the debates and political field (joined this forum, which does that, it's really new, but i'm patient, i'll get out there in some time and through my education as well Insh'Allah).

I hope Allah will grant me with strenght and patience to spread the message of Islam and Insh'Allah change some minds.
How can something so Beautiful be so misunderstood?
Astaghfirullah if i have said anything wrong...

Bitter Sweet

I'm going to Istanbul.
I decided six months ago to apply for studying abroad and just got accepted two days ago. I thought i was getting this information on email and have been waiting and waiting for a month now, so I called the International department in my University and she told me that my application had been accepted. I wasn't prepared for that information at all, the reason that i called in the first place, were to find out when i could expect to get answer on my application, but wow there it were... It was odd, because all of a sudden I wasn't happy about it, but were at the same time happy about the answer. I then called my best friend, who started to cry...Hmmm, now i was feeling even worse, and sad as well. I called Samia who were and still is, in totally denial (as always, det er jo en herlig ting at mestre) I called my other friend, who got mad at me and the next who also became sad, but was looking forward to come and visit me. I was overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings just then and there, but the most penetrating feeling was how much i would miss all of these wonderful people, who i'm blessed to have in my life.

And i'm scared... I'm going to a city which has 22 million citizens and i come from Denmark which only populates 6 million people. It's 3000 km away from home and i don't talk the language, well i understand a bit, but i can't communicate in turkish. I can say: Ben türkce bilmiyorum. Which means: I don't talk turkish. :) I believe i'm going to say that a lot.
But
It is indeed a dream which has become true, i've been dreaming about studying abroad since high school and my wish has finally become true. Turkey is a muslim country, there is only 1% none muslims and i'm so exited to live in a country where the head religion is Islam, i will also be there during the Ramadan, which i have heard should be quite an experience. The universities aren't made for religious people, you are not allowed to wear hijab at universities for example (because of Atatürk, whom tried to modernize and secularize Turkey). But since Islam is the head religion, it's still different from Denmark, i'm looking forward to visit some of the worlds largest mosqe's and experience islam as beeing a majority instead of a minority.
Ins'Allah it will bring me closer to my Creator.

I'm going in four months and this post won't be the last i write of it.
I will spend this summer with the ones i love and care about and i will ins'Allah use my time properly.

Jeg ved at mit ophold i udlandet vil få mig til at indse, hvor velsignet jeg er. Jeg ved at jeg er heldig og ekstremt velsignet med min fantastiske familie, biologisk, og med venner som er som familie. Jeg kan aldrig takke Gud nok for de vidunderlige mennesker jeg har i mit liv, min familie, venner og ikke mindst mine fanastiske dejlige veninder. Det gør ondt i mig ved tanken om hvor meget jeg kommer til at savne dem, hvor svært det vil blive at sige farvel og hvor meget jeg vil mangle dem ved min side det halve år jeg er afsted.
De er alt for mig og deres kærlighed og støtte er det mest uundværlige i mit liv. Hver og en af dem har en helt speciel og unik plads i mit hjerte, hvilket er hævet over ethvert tid og rum. Jeg ved at de vil være tæt på mig i tanken og i mit hjerte, men hvor bliver det dog svært!
Jeg håber og beder til at de ved hvor stærk min kærlighed til dem er og at de ALTID, uanset hvor jeg end befinder mig, er en del af mine tanker, hjerte og sjæl - en kæmpe del af mig.
Jeg ville ikke være Mig, uden dem!

My teacher

Remembe your old high school teachers - some inspired you, other frightend you and some were just "evil" :) Learning was back then something you had to, it was not a choice of your own - well, you could very well come up with a whole lots of other more interesting things to do being a teenager. But then you grow up and accept learning as being a natural part of life and as a blessing, as you learn everyday of your life. You realize that your experinces has a major inpact on how you act and who you are. I have had some bad experinces with some of the teachers i had, but now i see that some of the blame was on me as i look back... Though the greatest experiences with the best teachers i had, have on the other hand also had huge influence on my life and the choices i have made, especially regarding my education.

But now...

I have been blessed with the most amazing teacher ever. This beautiful girl, who didn't even knew me that well - not at first - who met me as a stranger and were willing to teach me and guidance me about and towards the most important thing in my life; Islam.
She was the first to teach me the beautiful words of Shadada and i declared it in her presence. She were the first person to welcome me in Islam - i had only spend a day with her and chose her to be one of my witness' as i converted - that is how amazing she is and the effect she has on people. She opened her arms to me and invited me and my friend to the nearest mosque, to teach us salâh and the arabic alphabet. She is one of the most caring, unselfish and giving persons i have ever met and i am blessed and thank Allah for letting this wonderful person in my life! I am even more grateful for our friendship which i know will develop and grow even stronger.
I live in Denmark, she lives in the UK, but she calls me every week to teach me salâh and arabic over the phone - everyone knows how bad the danish accent is, i really need the help, but it's not that i'm all alone, i have people around me who can are willing to teach me, but not as good as she - she teaches me, so i learn the pronouncements right, she teaches me because she best teacher anyone could have - May Allah reward you for every single letter and sentence you teach me!

My dear sweet friend you know who you are and this post is to show my gratitude! Words can't express how much it means to me and what an impact you had had on my life - i converted in your presence for a reason - Only Allah knows what, because i have thought about this a hundred times and still can't figure it out, why then and there ,when i had the opportunity in Denmark a million times and when people here were asking me every week to set a date to do so. Allah works in mysterious ways - in beautiful ways, it must have been for a reason...
Bismillahir - Rahmanir - Rahim
Allah please grant us with wisdom and help and guide us in our every step of our way, forgive us for every mistake we'll make. I thank You for blessing me with a teacher and a friend and may you bless her for her effort and beautiful heart, may You fill eveyday of her life with happiness and joy and always look after her Ins'Allah.
Amin.

To Love

I will let these words speak for themselves




Why, deep down, do we love? What is the source of love, its meaning, its object? Why do we experience the birth of love one day, and its death another? Why, deep inside us, does our love for our parents and our children endure? How do we love? Why, deep down, do we love?


Life teaches us to learn, to suffer injury, to get to our feet again, to mature. Life is revelation; and when our hearts and our intelligence turn toward His revelation, we can grasp something of the meaning, the mystery, and the meaning of this mystery. There are many ways to love: The Most Caring One offers us love through the very essence of our nature, and invites us to continue our search for the love of our fellow creatures, for Creation, for His love.


There are several ways to love: we can love ourselves out of egocentrism or egotism; out of self-obsession to the point of self-importance and arrogance. How natural a love...and how dangerous. To see the world through ourselves alone: to love ourselves as if we alone existed, and, at the core of this mysterious paradox, to love ourselves to the point of oblivion.


To love our mothers, our fathers, our husbands, our wives, our daughters, our sons and, our senses dulled by habit, learn nothing from our love for them except when accident or absence strike. To become indifferent in the face of familiar presences. Isn’t it a curious paradox? To be blinded by too much seeing. To lose meaning because we are overwhelmed, drowned, carried away by the endless repetition of daily life.


To observe our friends, our fellow human beings, our world, and to ask of our heart: why you? Why should you be loved? For your appearance? For your qualities? For your tastes? To love as we feel, because we so “genuinely” feel. The fire at first, the ashes when all is done... destroyed by betrayal, by flaws, by wounds inflicted. Love that blinds; separation in the glare of hindsight. Another paradox: the glowing coals that are the warmth of our loves, and the infinite burn of our suffering.


To learn to love. Such is the message of all spiritual disciplines. We may love to love ourselves, our neighbours, the universe; we may love to move beyond the self, our own and that of our neighbours; our own and that of the universe. In nearness to the Divine we learn that we must seek, initiate ourselves, tear asunder, give new form, break off and renew. To seek out the meaning of our loves; to initiate ourselves into the secrets of hope and not stop when proof of our qualities lies before us; to break down ego and appearance; to give form to the gazing eyes and all they ask for; to make new the light in the heart and in the eyes and, as when we fast, to learn to break the fast the better to begin again. To be two, with ourselves, with God, with you... a gift, a time of testing, a period of hardship, of hoping.


Near to you or without you. Why do we love? Why do we break apart? Why, indeed? On our journey, we must learn that His love like ours, that our encounters like our separations, are acts of initiation: we can love a parent, a being, his beauty, his qualities; we can love what is and, in the end, know only hurt and suffering. Over and above what exists, we can learn to love the horizon that unites us. To move beyond ourselves for His sake, to seek together the pathway that leads to His light... to love the meaning, the road travelled as much as we love the destination, and our fate. It is constant effort, this jihad of love. To lift up our eyes before us and learn to love, and with that love, find freedom. To move beyond ourselves, to free ourselves from the loves that bind and imprison us: those “ended” loves, sometimes idolatrous, sometimes misleading, and so near to our animal nature. An infinite task, one never to be completed; a task filled with sorrow, with hurt and tears. Here, on this earth, lies one truth: he who truly loves must learn to weep. Life. Love, and life.


Why, deep down, do we love? Some like to bind themselves in chains, others to set themselves free. A mystery. The Unique One calls out to us, summons us, tells us: “Go on! Love! Move forward, seek out, and pursue your quest. The love that will come to you is not at all what you are seeking. It is an illusion, a prison. The love you seek, the love that you must learn, opens wide to you the door of freedom: alone, by twos, by thousands, it teaches you to say: “It is Him I love” and, in the depths of your heart, feel yourself loved. And then, at that moment, we must lift up our eyes before us, nurture the freedom we have found, and bestow all the love we possess upon those close to us, to the universe, to humanity. As we move on beyond this life, or as we remain. Love and true Life.


To love, and learn to leave...


By Tariq Ramadan

"I am the servant of the Qur’an
While I am still alive.
I am the dust on the path of Muhammad,
the Chosen One."

Mawlana Jalaluddin Rumi

Unfolding a rose

A young, new ustadh (teacher) was walking with an older, more seasoned ustadh (teacher) in the garden one day. Feeling a bit insecure about what Allah had for him to do, he was asking the older ustadh for some advice. The older ustadh walked up to a rosebush and handed the young ustadh a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals. The young ustadh looked in disbelief at the older ustadh and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the will of Allah for his life and ministry.But because of his great respect for the older ustadh, he proceeded to try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact... It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do. Noticing the younger ustadh's inability to unfold the rosebud without tearing it, the older ustadh began to recite the following poem...

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of Allah's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
ALLAH(swt) opens this flower so sweetly,
Then in my hands they die.


If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of Allah's (swt) design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Allah(swt) for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to Allah(swt) for His guidance
Each step of the way.

The pathway that lies before me,
Only Allah(swt) knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

(unknown)

You know

About a year before i converted i read this poem by Tariq Ramadan, which made me cry - my inner feelings had been put into words and by a complete stranger... It described the proces towards finding my way home, to find the Truth. Alhamdu lillah - i'm home, and now; I know...

One morning, something can change, something has changed... You turn your face, your eyes, your heart and your hopes towards another Reality. One instant, one second, far from human beings, from their doubts, from their wounds. And the Universe speaks to you of the heart of its evidences:

«Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the succession of night and day there are indeed signs for people of insight »

You know...

And you come back to yourself... to the heart of your inner universe. It is never easy... this quest for meaning, for simplicity. To forget your doubts, your weaknesses, your wounds, your tears, your failures... and to find in yourself the authentic question, your secrete sincerity, your fragility. Alone, in a silence that belongs only to you, simply, softly, tenderly. To find yourself again... in the sacred place that He alone knows, and you.

« We shall show them our signs in the horizons and in themselves so that it will become clear to them that this is the Truth”

You know...

A quest for meaning, a quest for simplicity, a quest for love, a quest for truth. A search. One morning something has changed. You, your gaze, your life. A paradox. To learn to love and to resist yourself... within the same outburst, with the same strength. To love the light of the heart’s humility, at the centre, and to resist the shadows of the mind’s arrogance, at the periphery. To resist the prisons of self-importance and blindness of the heart and to love the liberations of the mind seeking light and peace.

« Do the people think that they will be left alone for they have said ‘We believe’ and that they would not be tested?”

You know ...

The test of the inner peace... an infinite quest of His signs, of Good, of Beauty, of Love. To know He is here and that one has but to unceasingly go towards Him. And everything changes: the universe, human beings, your life... “To change the life” said the poet... and the life has changed as you change in the proximity of the essential. You seek, you observe, you cry. To speak to Him of your tears close to the Truth. He knows, you know...

Your tears are your love; your tears are your freedom

« And God invites you to the dwelling of Peace... »

You know...

Deep in your self there exists a dwelling of a language without words. The sadness of the world has offered you the smile of the essential...Freedom and Peace. A prayer with no request.
You know...

By Tariq Ramadan

To my soulmate

Bismillahir - Rahmanir -Rahim
I Guds navn, Den Mest Nådige, Den Mest Barmhjertige

Jeg kan aldrig takke Allah nok for at have velsignet mig med noget af det smukkeste der findes - venskab - vores venskab. Du fylder mit liv med så meget glæde og du kender mit inderste væsen. Du er der altid for mig og nu, mere end nogensinde før, har du brug for en til at bære dig igennem en svær tid - jeg er den der kan og vil bære dig, holde din hånd når du har brug for det, græde med dig når du har brug for det, lytte til dig når du har brug for det, bede med dig når du har brug for det, bede for dig for jeg ved du har brug for det. Mit hjerte føler din sorg, din smerte dit savn og ingen ord kan kurere disse følelser, så mærk min kærlighed, føl min støtte og vid at jeg er her for dig hele vejen igennem.

Jeg elsker dig!

Allahs elskede sendebud (Allahs fred og velsignelser være med ham) sagde, "Renhed er det halve af troen. Al-hamdu lillah fylder vægtene op. SubhanAllah wa al-hamdu lillah fylder, hvad der ellers ikke findes mellem himlene og jorden. Bønnen er lyset, velgørenhed et bevis. Tålmodighed er glansgivende, og al-Qur'an er et bevis for eller imod dig. Ethvert menneske påbegynder sin dag som en handelsmand, hvad angår hans sjæl, enten løskøber han den, eller også forårsager han dens nedbrydning" [Muslim]

Al-hamdu lillah Må Allah være tilfreds med os alle